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There’s no question that EA and Satan are working in some capacity to make enjoying their games a living hell. It’s not that EA is run by Satan, that’d be ridiculous, but they are definitely in cahoots with one another. Like peanut butter and arson. Or Christmas and your parent’s sexuality. There’s something insulting about locking off modding and serving up overpriced DLC (a la SimCity) while forcing out buggy messes of once loved franchises (see Battlefield). The people working at EA might very well be great people, but those execs have wings blacker than their hearts.

Mind you, it could be worse. Much, much worse. I’m talking subscriptions to play The Sims worse, intentionally fostering addiction worse, the point where worse isn’t applicable because the hole goes deep enough that Dungeon Keeper Mobile is the norm. It’d be a level of worse so much worse than worse that how many gallons children’s tears were shed over the extremities of the paywall could be the measure of a game’s success. Needless to say, it would be a cruel punishment that you wouldn’t want to deal with.

AND YET, Paddy thinks that Satan already runs EA. What?! WHAT?! I can’t help but feel like he’s missing the part of his brain that can judge what is and isn’t evil, you know, that little splotchy area that deals with morality and decency. Yeah, that one. WHERE IS YOUR SPLOTCHY BIT, PADDY!? EA might have annoyed the fanbases of a lot of their games, but they haven’t completely ripped apart whatever enjoyment was still left to be found in their products. And yet, Paddy persists. So, we decided to record his ignorance. I have no idea how or why he feels what he feels, but it is my duty as a the heavenly soothsayer that I am to disagree with him.
 

 

Patrick Waring

Patrick Waring

Executive Editor at GameCloud
From Perth, Patrick has played video games from a young age and now has "opinions." When not fretting over whether using words like "fretting" is effeminate, he likes to write jokes about video games. Sometimes he goes outside, and other times he just sits at his PC, thinking way too hard about Nintendo games.
Patrick Waring
- 5 hours ago

Nick Ballantyne

Nick Ballantyne

Managing Editor at GameCloud
Nick lives in that part of Perth where there's nothing to do. You know, that barren hilly area with no identifying features and no internet? Yeah, that part. To compensate, he plays games, writes chiptunes, makes videos, and pokes fun at hentai because he can't take anything seriously.
Nick Ballantyne
- 7 months ago
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